10 types of support The Shore Grief Center provides

 

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Participating at a Shore walk in 2014.

  1. First and foremost, we hold grief support groups each month for those grieving the death of a significant person in their life.
  2. Provide a group, Cameron’s Kids grief group, for children ages 6 – 12. This consists of six consecutive weeks with a meal provided before the group starts. We hold this once or twice each year – depending on the need.
  3. Provide a group just for teens (13-18). Save the Teens grief group is held for eight consecutive weeks. We have lots to teach the teens such as healthy ways to deal with their grief; not by using drugs or self-harm.
  4. Beyond the in-person groups, I answer calls from grieving adults, concerned friends and family, school counselors, mental health facilities and more requesting information about our services. Those grieving deserve, and receive, a soothing voice to help them through a confusing death (suicide, drug overdose or other expected death). There calls come in at all times during the day and night.
  5. We also provide comfort and information on our websites and Facebook pages (The Shore, Bereaved Parents, Save the Teens, and Wake Forest SOS). We are considering adding a closed Facebook group and are seeking volunteers to monitor the group.
  6. Provide support for those who have lost someone to suicide. This type of death slaps “survivors” in the face. Survivors are unclear why their loved ones choose to die. Just walking into a SOS group helps because you see there are other people who understand your pain and confusion. These groups helped me survive in 2005 when my 18-year old son choose death over life.
  7. Provide groups and support parents who have lost a child of any age. The death can be from drug overdose, murder, suicide, vehicle accident, illness – any type of death. The Bereaved Parents groups are here for them. We currently have groups in Wake Forest, Cary, Youngsville and Wilson for bereaved parents.
  8. Provide a sounding space for those grieving to express their fears, concerns, and even relief sometimes, after a death. We don’t judge or tell anyone how to feel or act. This allows bonds to form between group members who “get” how they’re feeling.
  9. Hold events where everyone can come together and relax and have a good time. Our next event (for anyone) is on 3/23. It’s our annual Comfort Food Cook Off. Click for additional details.
  10. Keep our main website, the Shore Grief Center, current with upcoming groups and events as well as helpful information and resources.

I hope this illustrates the depth and breadth of exactly what The Shore Grief Center does for those grieving.

Thanks for learning more.

Carolyn

http://carolynzahnow.com/

 

New Book – “Beautiful Disasters”

I find myself with so much going on these days that I don’t know what to work on first or last. I’m not to the point of putting out fires – yet – but I feel it coming. I released by second book, “Beautiful Disasters – A Family’s Journey Through Teen Depression,” on June 20, 2017. It’s a follow up to my first book, “Save the Teens.” In “Beautiful Disasters,” I share a glimpse into the life of my small family during my son’s last three years of his life.

His natural (or birth) father died when Cameron was two months shy of his 15th birthday. This was pretty traumatic for him even if he wasn’t living with his dad at the time. He was there when his dad died on a March night in Washington, NC in 2002.

Anyway, most of you know the story but within “Beautiful Disasters” I share what occurred each school year. It also includes some of Cameron’s blogposts which are sometimes twisted and confusing. But drugs will do that to a brain.

I share the family fights, the groundings (sometimes we lost track of what Cameron was being grounded for already!) and the confusion of living with a teen who was depressed and who was abusing drugs to the point of self harm.

Pick up a copy of “Beautiful Disasters” and learn if your teen might be on a downward spiral like our son was. Books are on sale at www.carolynzahnow.com as well as Amazon (sign up for Smile Amazon and select The Shore Grief Center as your favorite nonprofit, that way you’ll be helping others who are grieving a death).

Thanks! And reviews online are always a plus. Shoot – I might even post a vlog one of these days!

Carolyn Z

Author, speaker

 

Suicide, Empathy and Prevention

May 3, 2014
(Written for Open to Hope)

sunset Tempe Beach AZMy story seems to be like too many others – son (or daughter) died by suicide. But then I forget that as a facilitator of a survivors of suicide loss support group, that I hear stories similar to mine while most of the public do not hear these stories. Or once people know my story and my willingness to help others, they share their stories with me.

Each and every story I hear is sad. But then so are the stories of the parents or children who die too young from cancer or heart disease. Yet suicide is more of a mystery to everyone. Over the years I have learned to normalize it, somewhat, for my support group attendees and others.

I remind them that happy people do not kill themselves. Our loved ones who made that final decision to end their lives, suffered from a depression we have a hard time fathoming. The dark tunnel they were consumed in made it too hard to live. So hard that death seemed a better choice.

Empathy can make more sense out of their choice. Try, if you’re brave enough, to imagine how they felt just before they pulled the trigger, stepped off the ledge with a rope around their neck, took too many pills washed down with alcohol, plunged a syringe full of heroin into their arm.

It’s terrifying I know. I did that. I mentally placed myself where my son stood before he stepped of the edge of the attic into the pull down stairs opening with a sisal rope tied around his neck. He must have been terrified yet he felt it was the correct choice.

I’m sorry to be graphic but sometimes it helps to understand the misery and the darkness of the depression. Yet we scream “why didn’t you ask for help?” I remember clearly after Cameron’s death, similar depression that he must have experienced.

I was so depressed from his death, I didn’t think about calling my therapist to help me out of my funk. I just muddled through for a day or two and it cleared up. What if I felt that way for weeks on end? I might start devising ways to end my misery.

Or what if your body was in so much pain, that you felt like a burden to others – years on end? Even though your loved one rarely complained about assisting you daily, you felt like you were sucking the life out of them. Suicide was a viable option, in your mind.

I’ve heard stories like these as well. So if you’re confused if you lost someone to suicide, try to imagine their pain and perhaps you will free yourself of any guilt you may be harboring because you didn’t “do enough.”

Even if you did know they suffered from depression, as I did with my son, you still can’t always stop someone from ending their life. The key, I believe, is to catch the depression before it takes over the mind. And before the person tries to dull their pain with drugs and alcohol.

Mixing a mental illness with alcohol and other substances is a disaster waiting to happen. It could be a car accident, violence against someone else, or even suicide.

If you’ve experienced the pain of losing someone to suicide, I know your pain. If you fear someone you love may want to make that decision, do everything in your power to help by getting them to a mental health professional on a regular basis. It has been proven that meds and talk therapy are the best course of action for depression and other mental health illnesses.

Two weeks are the key thing to remember when depression is suspected. If depression lasts longer than two weeks, seek help immediately. This could be true for you, your child, your parent, or your friend. Anyone.

To learn more about teen depression and my story, you can find my book “Save the Teens: Preventing Suicide, Depression and Addiction” on my website savetheteens.com or  Amazon.com.